


Bleeding Hands

by pretty_ish



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut, Trans Bang Chan, Trans Chris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 14:18:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_ish/pseuds/pretty_ish
Summary: I'm not a slut because I enjoy sex, and I'm not a tease because I won't go all the way with someone I've just met. I like to pretend I'm normal. I mean, if you even count it as normal. But, you'll have into earn your way into my bedroom.So, here we are. Someone has earned their way into my bedroom. But, it felt different this time. He was different from the others. It seemed like he didn't care what my secret was.





	Bleeding Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: sad shit  
> Also if you see any other character with names that ain't skz and be like "who tf be Karla?" A mistake  
> Or like "who's Alan?" A whore  
> "Who's Nicole?" We don't talk about that bitch in this household
> 
> Lmao follow me on Twitter cause I actually somewhat use it now
> 
> @babyprincematty

_"I think I found a flower in a field of weeds_ _,_

_Searching until my hands bleed!_

_This flower don't belong to me_ _,_

_This flower don't belong to me...."_

_Surrender, Billy Talent_

* * *

 

     _I'm not a slut because I enjoy sex, and I'm not a tease because I won't go all the way with someone I've just met. I like to pretend I'm normal. I mean, if you even count it as normal. But, you'll have into earn your way into my bedroom._

      _So, here we are. Someone has earned their way into my bedroom._ _But, it felt different this time._ _ **He**_ _was different from the others._ _It seemed like he didn't care what my secret was._

     Woojin pushed Chris down onto his bed, looming over him and kissing down his neck. _What do I tell him?_ Chris thought.

     "Hey, wait, wait, wait!" He said, but it was too late. Woojin had already pulled down his jeans and seen it all. Chris' face flushed red. The latter stared at his lower region for a while. "D-don't just stare!" He shouted as Woojin placed his hand on his chin.

     "So that's what it was." He said in disbelief. Chris covered his face in embarrassment and closed his legs.

     "Now you think I'm some kind of freak, don't you?" He asked quietly. Woojin shook his head.

     "No, not at all. I think you're still really hot, and I don't care if you have a vagina or not. I mean, you're really cute, so if you wanna go further, I'd definitely put aside the fact that you're trans."

     "Everyone just leaves... but you didn't..."

* * *

 

     He stayed for longer than the night. When Chris woke up, Woojin was right next to him. Holding him. He gasped and moved back a bit, causing Woojin to wake up.

     "Oh... morning I guess..." Woojin said and smiled. Chris' eyes widened and his cheeks flushed red. _Oops... woke him up._ He thought. They stared at each other for a while, before Chris looked away.

     "G-good morning..." He said quietly. Woojin smiled. Chris felt awkward because he basically had to teach Woojin last night.

     _"Do I need to prepare you like..." Woojin began, but Chris shook his head as Woojin's hands trailed down. He grabbed his hands and placed them on his waist._

     _"No. It'll expand to your size." Chris explained._ _He looked at Woojin and his eyes widened. "Um... Nevermind maybe uh... Just a bit of prep."_

*

     _"How much lube do I-"_

     _"Just a bit, vaginas self-lubricate." Chris said quietly. Woojin nodded._

     _"So then... just like that?" Chris nodded._

     _"Just like that." He repeated. Woojin nodded slowly. "You can do it now." Woojin nodded as he slowly entered Chris. "Stop being so cautious! Pretend it's the same thing!...please... I-Id appreciate if you'd pretended." Chris mumbled._

     _"I_ _ **am**_ _pretending, that's why I'm being so cautious." He explained. Chris grumbled. "You're so cute!" Woojin cooed._

     _"What!?" Chris snapped._

     _"Nothing_ _."_

     _"Just move already!" Chris said. "Please." He added.  smirked and began_ _thrusting into Chris._

     Chris sat up and felt a pain through his back coming from his lower region. His eyes widened and he cringed.

     "What? Does it hurt?" Woojin asked, concerned. Chris nodded.

     "Not that I didn't appreciate it but, you were pretty rough." Chris said, laughing a bit out of embarrassment.

     "Sorry." Woojin apologized. He sat up next to Chris and slipped his pants back on while Chris fidgeted with his thumbs.

     "Hey... I-I know it was just a one night stand, but..." Chris started. Woojin nodded and listened as he slipped his shirt on. "Ithinkyou'rereallycoolandIwannahangoutwithyoutoday." He said quickly. "Soooo...." Woojin took a bit to process the words, unjumbling them in his brain.

     "Yeah." He said. Chris felt surprised as Woojin smiled at him. "I'd like that." He said.

     _It's been two weeks and Woojin and I only have a physical relationship. All we do is have sex and I don't know why, but I want it to be more..._

     Chris heard a knock on his door and put his phone down, running toward the door. It was Woojin. Chris smiled and let him step inside.

     "Hi! You should call before you come over, I didn't clean up." Chris said. Woojin chuckled.

     "That's not what I was coming over for." Woojin said nervously. Chris' face flushed red and he nodded. "I wanted to know if you wanted to go out tonight." Woojin said. Chris' heart skipped a beat and he couldn't breathe for a few seconds.

     "Like... as..." Chris stopped. Woojin nodded and his face heated up too.

     "Yeah... like a date..." He said. Chris smiled and nodded.

     "Yeah. Definitely."

     They didn't go to the fanciest restaurant, but that's only because Chris asked Woojin not to. The waitress was nice, which was good. Chris tried to order the cheapest thing in the menu, but Woojin noticed and was annoyed by it, so he told Chris to get whatever he wanted.

     "I wanna know more about you." Woojin said, holding his head up by his hands. Chris tilted his head and 'huh'-ed. "I mean, I don't know much about the things you like and stuff like that. I only know what you're like in bed and it feels like a backwards relationship."

    "Oh... well... what exactly do you want to know?" Chris asked.

    "Well... I don't know... stuff like, do you read books or like movies better?" Woojin asked. Chris thought for a while.

     "It depends on what it is. I normally prefer to read it. It gives me a different feel that watching the movies can't give me. Like monologues. You don't hear those in movies so much, but you read how the characters feel and stuff and what they're thinking." Chris explained. Woojin nodded.

     "Yeah. What about shows?"

     "I don't really watch tv. I don't like to pay for it... plus I just get a lot of useless channels. But what shows do you like?" Chris asked. Woojin shrugged.

     "I use Netflix, so I don't have cable either." Woojin said, giggling. "But I like this one show." Chris nodded.

     "What's it about?" Chris asked eagerly.

     The rest of the night was spent talking about shows and eating. Chrus felt closer to Woojin by the end of the night when they headed back to Woojin's apartment.

 

     Woojin pushed Chris against the wall, smashing their lips together. Woojin kissed Chris' neck, trailing down. "I want you." He growled, kissing down Chris' neck and nipping at his collarbone. He grabbed Chris' arms and pinned him against the wall, unbuttoning his shirt and toying with the little nubs on Chris' chest.

     "Hyung... c-could you maybe... lose the grip a bit...?" Woojin looked up.

      "Oh, sorry." He said quietly, letting go of Chris' arms, who was completely relying on Wojin's hands to hold him up, fell over into Woojin's arms. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. Chris blushed, embarrassed to say anything. Woojin pushed Chris down onto his couch, looming over him.

     Chris went completely red in the face and neck as Woojin's hands moved under his jeans and rubbed between Chris' legs over his boxers. "Nnnn..." he moaned quietly. Flustered and embarrassed, he covered his face with a pillow from the couch.

     "Come on, baby... I wanna see your pretty face when you're calling my name." Woojin whispered as he slowly pulled Chris' jeans off, along with his underwear.

     "F-fine... but only tonight you can... keep the lights on." Chris said. Woojin smirked and Chris hid his face again. "Don't look at me like that!" He complained. Woojin giggled. _He's so cute._ Chris thought. Woojin took the pillow and threw it across the room.

     "Now you can't cover your face." He said happily. Chris pouted and covered his face with his hands, so Woojin immediately took action and grabbed his arms, holding them above his head. "I know you hate it when I grab your arms, and I won't do it if you stop covering your face."

     "Then let's do it from the back." Chris suggested. Woojin shook his head.

     "No. I wanna see your face this time." Woojin said stubbornly. Chris huffed. "C'mon. Stop being so shy, you're the cutest." Woojin said.

     "Fine. But I'm closing my eyes." Woojin nodded.

     "Fair, perfect, as long as I can see your face I'm fine. Where are my condoms. Dammit, every time." Woojin rushed. Chris fidgeted underneath him.

     "Y-you can... do it bare if you want..." Woojin stared at him for a while With wide eyes. "Stop staring at me! I'm sorry if you think it's gross! I-" Chris covered his face again and felt a lump in his throat.

     "Stop that!" Woojin said. "No, you're not gross for wanting to do it bare, but I'm still gonna use a condom." Woojin said. "And It's not for the reasons you think! I'm just... a weak man." He said said. He moved Chris' hands out of the way again and lightly brought their lips together.

     "C-can we move? The couch is really uncomfortable." Chris said quietly. Woojin nodded, picking him up bridal style and bringing him to his bedroom. "You don't need to carry me..." Woojin disagreed and threw Chris onto the bed as he looked in all of his drawers for the condoms.

     "Found them!" He said. "These ones have colours." Woojin stopped in his tracks as he looked at Chris in front of him. God, he was so gorgeous. Long legs shut loosely, teasing Woojin. His nice arched back, pressing his plump ass to Woojin's bedsheets. His pretty face looking up at Woojin, bedroom eyes looking up through long eyelashes.

     "Hyung, hurry up, I'm going dry." Chris joked. Woojin chuckled and pinned Chris down. "You said you wouldn't do that."

     "I didn't promise." Chris pointed out.

     "Whatever. Just put it on already." Chris said. Woojin nodded and rolled the condom on as Chris spread his legs.

     "I still feel weird not having to prepare you first." Woojin said. Chris nodded.

     "Let's just pretend you did and go in like normal... okay? Please?" He asked. Woojin nodded and entered. "You don't have to wait, I'll get used to it quickly."

     "O-okay." Woojin said and began thrusting in and out of Chris, biting his lip. Chris breathed heavily and wrapped his arms around Woojin's neck and scratching up his back.

     "Mmmmmfff... s-sex with hyung is... hah... always so good!" Chris moaned out, squinting his eyes shut as Woojin thrusted in and out of him. Woojin's heart skipped a beat and he connected his lips with Chris'.

     "Don't say stuff like that..." Woojin said. "That'll boost my ego." He laughed. He looked down at Chris' face, red from holding in his moans. Woojin's hand trailed up to Chris' lips, parting them, he used his thumb to push apart Chris' mouth. "I wanna hear you moan." His eyes widened as he saw tears fall from Chris' eyes.

     "It's so good..." Chris said quietly. "Aaaah! F-fuck, hyung!" He moaned loudly as Woojin slammed into him.

     "Crying doesn't mean I'm going to be gentle." Woojin growled.

     Chris lay there with Woojin's head on his chest, Woojin cuddling into him while he stared at the wall. Woojin looked up, eyes widening.

     "What? Why are you crying?" He asked as he looked up at Chris' face, his eyes filled with tears.

    "Because, you still do _this_ to yourself." Chris said, pointing at fresh looking cuts on Woojin's arms and thighs.

     _This went from,_ _ **holy shit, he's so cute, I'm gonna melt,**_ _to,_ _ **oh my god, I don't even know what**_ _ **the fuck**_ _, really fucking fast._ Woojin thought. Chris grabbed one of his arms and pointed out the cuts on them.

      "Oh... that..." Woojin said. "What is there to discuss about it?" He asked.

     "They're on your legs too." Chris pointed out. Woojin shrugged, not quite wanting to talk. "I don't get it."

     "Don't get what?"

     "Why someone would do that to themselves. It's stupid." Chris said.

     "You've never been there. You don't get it."

     "We even had the lights on and you didn't notice the worms on my hips?" Chris snapped.

     "What?"

     "I _have_ been there. And it's stupid." Chris said, lifting the covers, exposing his lower half and showing a large amount of small worm like scars on his hips. "See?" He said. "Let me see your arms." Woojin shook his head. Chris forcefully grabbed Woojin's arms and rolled up the sleeves on his shirt.

     "Chan, stop!" Woojin said. Chris kissed each individual cut on Woojin's left arm, then his right and his thighs. "Chan..." Woojin whimpered, his bottom lip trembling.

     "Stop this stupid act. I hate it." Chris said. "I don't want to see any new marks on your body. When you're miserable, vent to me, not to a razor, got it?"

* * *

 

     "Why are you so rough in bed? It hurts to sit up straight!" Chris complained. Woojin chuckled.

     "Sorry."

     "You say that every time!"

     "Well, I _am_ sorry, but the faces you make in bed make me _want_ to make you cry." Woojin said. Chris pouted and sprawled across Woojin's lap on the couch as they watched Woojin's favourite show.

     "Bloody sadist." Chris mumbled.

* * *

 

     It had been five months and Chris had settled in with Woojin. Chris thought things were going pretty well, until Woojin sat him down and told him something heart shattering.

     "Chan... I... think I love Minho." Woojin said. Chris stayed quiet. He just covered his mouth and nodded.

     "I... okay... I understand." _I'm mad, but there's no point in taking it out on him. So I'll just nod and walk away. Yeah, that's a great idea. Just nod and leave._ But Chris couldn't move. He was frozen, and didn't even realise it, but he was crying. Tears were just falling from his eyes freely. He didn't want them to, but he couldn't stop them.

     _Minho_ _... what does he have that I don't? Is he the reason_ _Woojin has been going out a lot more? Does he not like_ _ **me**_ _anymore? Why is this happening? What did I do? Isn't he why Woojin comes home and cries to me about hating himself? Shouldn't he hate Minho? He hurt him! He hurt my Woojin!_

     "What... what does he have that I don't?" Chris asked, his voice faltering and shaking. Woojin frowned.

     "It's not something you don't have... I just. I don't know what it is..." Chris nodded.

     "I get it, I guess. I can't control your feelings." Chris said sadly.

* * *

 

     _I should visit him..._ Chris thought. Even though they had broken up a few months ago, Chris still had feelings for Woojin. Rumours about Woojin becoming suicidal and starving himself were flying around like crazy. And they all came from the same source.

     Minho.

     All Chris wanted to do was go to Woojin and tell him everything was alright. That he was already perfect enough. He knew Woojin already had a boyfriend, but he still loved him. He just wanted to say hi anyway.

     Chris hurried over to Woojin's apartment, which was fairly close, because they lived in the same building. Chris knocked on the door, his hand all shaky. No one answered, so he tried again. He knocked again, but no one answered, so he opened the door and walked in.

     "Woojin?" He asked. He repeated himself several times. _Woojin_ _wouldn't have left the front door open if he weren't home..._ Chris thought. He repeated himself, searching the entire house.

     "Woojin!" Chris shouted and ran into Woojin's room. He didn't find him there. _What if the rumours are true?!_ Chris thought, checking every room. He looked in the guest room, the living room, and the kitchen. But he didn't check the bathroom, which was wide open. Woojin hated open doors.

     Chris ran into the washroom and saw Woojin's body lying on the ground, surrounded by blood. Chris picked him up, shaking him a bit, desperately trying to wake him up somehow.

     "No, this isn't right... Hyung, please." He cried out as tears began to form in his eyes. "Woojin..." he cried. He looked for his phone, but remembered that he didn't bring his. "Oh no... I'm so sorry, Woojin." He said as he searched through Woojin's pockets.

     He found his phone in his back pocket and quickly compressed the wound, Woojin created, with a towel and rested it on his shoulder like he learned in health in grade 4. R.I.C.E, or, rest, immobilize, compress and elevate. He dialed the ambulance on Woojin's phone.

* * *

 

     _He's in a coma..._ Chris thought. _His boyfriend probably hates that I'm the first one to hear about it. I'm scared. I feel out of place._ Chris heard the sounds of feet running toward the room and someone popped their head in. Chris looked behind the curtain and saw _him_. Woojin's boyfriend, Minho.

     Minho looked at Chris for a while, before running in, standing next to Woojin's side. Minho shook his head and grabbed Woojin's hand. _He's the one that Woojin starved himself over._  Chris thought angrily. _No, you aren't jealous, he's not the one to blame and you're not about to believe something you heard from Felix. Minho didn't make the decision, Woojin did._

     "Why... why would you do something so... so fucking stupid?" Minho asked as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Even after you made me stop myself." He sobbed. He bit his lip. "You... fucking asshole." He cried. He looked up at Chris, both of their eyes were red and glossy, filled with tears. "I'm sorry..." Minho said. "It's just..."

     "No, no, don't be." Chris told him. He tensed up as Minho brought a chair over to Woojin's bed and sat down. _He doesn't like that I'm here first._ Chris thought. He then remembered something. "Oh... uh... I think you should see this, M-Minho." Chris said. Minho's head perked up and Chris handed him a piece of paper with Woojin's writing on it.

     "How do you know my name?" Minho asked. Chris' face flushed red.

     "Uh... a-a-alot of people know your name..." Is all Chris said. Minho brushed it aside and read the paper.

     _I'm sorry, but I've just forgotten to care anymore. I've realised I'm a burden to you, Minho. Just a stupid guy with a crush. So I guess I helped. I know you didn't love me. It was all fake._

 _-_ _Woojin_

     Minho's eyes filled with tears and he began to hiccup and shake. He covered his face with his hands and sobbed. He shook his head and layed his head down on the bed.

     "I'm sorry... If I got there sooner-"

     "Why were _you_ there in the first place?" Minho snapped, glaring at Chris and taking him by surprise. Chris looked at him with surprise.

     "I... I was just... I'm sorry... I'm sorry you don't like me." Chris said. "I'll leave." He said and stood up, walking out of the room.

* * *

 

     "Why won't you wake up?" Chris cried. "I wonder what it's like stuck in your brain like that..." Chris said. _It's been ten months..._ He thought. _And I'm still stuck to him_. He looked up as he heard noises come from Woojin. "Hyung?"

     Woojin's eyes slowly opened and he looked around the room. He looked at his arms and began pulling the IV's out. Chris shook his head, grabbing Woojin's arms and calling the nurse.

     They sedated him and Chris sat back down as they put everything back in place.

     _He's... finally back..._ _Chris_ thought.

 

 

 

     _It's been two days since Woojin woke up._ Chris thought. _He missed most of the year._

     "Chan?" Woojin asked. Woojin looked up and around the room his eyes following something. "There are bugs on you, Chan." He said. He had been like this since he woke up. Chris looked around. There were no bugs on him. Or in the room.

     Woojin took another good look around the room, looking in the bedside table and under his pillow. "Where's Minho?" He asked. Chris' eyes widened. _I shouldn't tell him now... he just woke up and it's been so long..._

     "Um... Hyung... can you give me a few minutes?" Chris asked, standing up.

     "Are you going to get Minho?" Woojin asked, breaking Chris' heart. Chris just walked out of the room, looking for the doctor. He spotted the familiar looking man, walking toward the room and ran up to him.

     "Uh... Woojin asked me where Minho is..." Chris said. The doctor nodded.

     "And?"

     "What do I tell him? Can he handle it?" Chris worried. The man nodded.

     "He should be able to, but everyone handles it differently. I guess it should be okay to tell him." He said. Chris nodded and walked back to the room. Woojin looked at him as he walked in.

     "Where's Minho?" He asked again. Chris bit his lip and took in a large, shaky breath.

     "Minho... two months ago, he got in an accident... he was crossing the road at night and a driver who was intoxicated didn't stop and Minho..." Chris stopped as he watched Woojin's wide eyes fill with tears. "He didn't make it out alive."

     Woojin covered his face as he began to sob. Chris bit his lip until it bled. Woojin shook his head.

     "No... no, that can't be right... that cant be right, you're wrong!" He said. Chris stayed silent while Woojin cried. He wiped away his tears and sniffed. "No, you're lying to me." He said.

     "No. I wish I were though... I really wish I were."

* * *

 

     _Woojin_ _and I live together again. We aren't together, but because his family is so far away, I have to stay and watch over him, making sure he doesn't do something stupid again. It's been a month and he hasn't spoken since I told him about Minho. I feel bad for just being around him right now. Like a usurper._ Chris thought.

     "Hyung? Do you want some tea?" Chris asked, poking his head into Woojin's room. Woojin nodded and hugged the ball of blankets closer to him. He didn't do much around the house or oustide the house.

     Chris left to the kitchen and poured the already made liquid into a cup, adding Woojin's preffered amount of sugar and milk before coming back into the room and placing it on his bedside table. Chris sighed and sat down on the edge of Woojin's bed.

     "You probably hate me now... I somehow can't think of anything other than that this was all my fault..." Chris said. "I mean... because of what happened to Minho, you won't even talk... and I feel like that's all my fault somehow." He explained. Woojin glared at him and he looked Woojin in the eyes. His own eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry that all of this happened to you... it must've been horrible to be trapped inside of your mind for an entirety of ten months. And waking up to hear what you heard..." He paused as the tears streamed down his face. "It must be unbearable..."

     Woojin frowned and took a sip of his tea, then placing it back on the table. Chris stood up, wiping his eyes and sniffling.

     "I'm sorry, I'll go." He said and began to walk out, but Woojin pulled on his sleeve. Chris turned around and Woojin looked him in the eyes and shook his head.

     "No." He said quietly. Chris' eyes widened and he gasped. Woojin pulled him back down and into his chest. "Stay." His voice came out ragged and quiet, but it was his voice. "Just. Stay." So Chris didn't move. He stayed in Woojin's arms.

* * *

 

     After a few months, they began to get back on track. Woojin seemed a bit more stable and had began to date Chris again.

     "Channie!" Woojin shouted as they walked into the house. It was late and they had just gotten back from Felix and Changbin's, so Chris was just about to lie on the bed and try to sleep, but Woojin was restless. Chris sighed and turned around to look at the other boy.

     "What?" He asked. Woojin smiled and grabbed Chris' hands.

     "I want babies!" He said. Chris' eyes widened and his heart stopped. He felt his breath hitch and felt like fainting.

     "Um, what?" He asked in disbelief.

     "I wanna have kids with you! I wanna start a family!" Woojin said. Chris bit his lip and looked at Woojin with worrisome eyes. "Not _now_. We have so much we can do now, we're only in our twenties." He said. Chris nodded. "When we're older and we're ready! Then we'll have children! Little baby Chans running around the house!" He said. Chris smiled.

     "Someday, but not today." He said. "Can we go to sleep now?" Woojin nodded and they made their way into the bedroom, lying down on the bed and crawling under the sheets together. Chris had his arms around Woojin while Woojin had his arms around Chris in a warm embrace. "I'm just glad that you're here with me. I love you, Woojin."

"I love you too, Chan."


End file.
